Embroidered Collage

Yesterday I felt like my art was a collapsed house of cards.  The optimistic and realistic thoughts followed immediately, but that deflation was painful.

Facts first, then yet more metaphors :) .  I decided that before I did the analytic work with the colors that I wanted to play more first.  I tried doing a landscape - basing it off a Dover image - on the 11x15 paper with my new Neopastels.  blocked in the shapes, then added color, then added complexity.  It looked funny.  Not, hey, interesting abstraction funny, but wrong funny. I added some lops and hoops to change the interest around.  Finally I decided I'd done as much as I could so I went to print.

The thicker printmaking paper I'd purchased didn't soak up water very well.  At first printing I barely picked any color up even though I brayered a great deal.  So I took the paint brush to the drawing and then, with it wet, took a second printing.  Still didn't work too well.  Interesting effect, but not intended.  I ended up taking the brush to the pigment on the print too, something I wouldn't have been able to do with the Japanese paper, and spread it around a little more.

And I sat back and looked at them and thought - yech.  Bleach.  Nope.  And the realization came crashing down that I had been pinning a certain number of my hopes to success in a medium based on DRAWING, which "I can't do".  Yes, I'm working on the drawing thing, but the inner voice hasn't been converted yet, so I cringed.  I could feel the yawning cavern between where I was and where I wanted to be and had hoped to be soon.  And I believed I had greatly overestimated my skills and underestimated the work.  It felt like I'd just completely crossed off an option I was interested in.  That it was gone and I couldn't succeed going that way.

At the same time, though, the other thoughts began.  I chose a subject matter that I had basically no practice in - the buildings were really what was throwing me off.  I didn't plan out the subject ahead of time, even though I was working on a larger scale than I was used to.  This was my first try and had I really expected it to turn out perfect?  Next time would be better.  I really liked the possibilites here and I wasn't going to let go because of one not so good picture.  There were even bits in it I still liked.

So I'll reapproach my intent and try again and it will be better.  And it's very good that I took a risk and leapt, but I definitely missed the rope and got that falling feeling.  I hate that feeling. 

The landing wouldn't have been so bad if my head hadn't been getting ahead of the work of my hands.  I had been thinking that I'd smoothly transition into these slightly larger works and the prints and collages from the paintings would be a great entry into competing in more exhibits and having art to list at higher priced venues and such.  I could complete any given work much faster than my fiber pieces; it would be cool.

Back to the reality of developing my skills.  I'll be working on both pieces further, seeing what I can turn them into using collage or overpainting or other assorted techniques.  Some of my best collages started as images I didn't like.  And if that doesn't work, well, I'm sure I'll find an area worth cropping to an 8x10.   As I start working larger I may need to spend more time with my sketchbook, also, working out issues ahead of time.  And this weekend I'll try an 11x15 again, probably with subject matter I've done successfully small.  And I'll really soak the print paper.  And we'll see.  :)